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The worst

Am I sad? No, but maybe, I am not too happy as well. Something is missing. I can feel that. There is a part of me that wants me to cry, maybe, but I am not sure. I mean cry about what exactly? I want to be alone, but then, I want someone to rescue me as well.
I feel sleepless at night, staring at my phone but then I message no one. I don't know why. I am scared of facing something, scared of some answers and scared of the truth.
Am I depressed? I don't know maybe.
But I am a mess for sure, and it gets scary, at times.
But this is not the worst. Do you know what is the worst of all?
I always have to smile and be happy

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